@cosmicbibi: Research shows your medication is 879% more effective if you drink a 6 pack and a bottle of wine first. Also, I changed my name to Research.
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@Marlebean: "Make yourself at home." they say, then it's "Ma'am please put your bra back on." Make up your mind, library story time, make up your mind!
@OfficialMizGin: Him: Why do you wear riding boots? You don’t ride horses. Me: Why do you wear sneakers? You don’t sneak.
@causticbob: A salesman knocked on my door today. "Who currently provides your Internet?" he asked. I said, "My next door neighbour."
@jordan_stratton: DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth's equator, most of them would drown.