@AndyAsAdjective: Respond to every "How was your weekend?" today by staring off into the distance & whispering "So much blood..."
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@dumbbeezie: Goodnight everyone except the guy who invented that thing that shows that you are typing something
@shanethevein: The doctor asked if I was sexual active. I shook my head and said "Not in front of the wife".
@GrantTanaka: me: [trying to be cool af at the bar] gimme a beer bartender: what kind me: the...the drinking kind