@SoVeryBritish: Responding as if you've just been wrongfully accused of murder when someone on the phone asks if you're still in bed
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@Robert_Beau: Bartender: What will you have? Me: Whiskey BT: Straight? Me: Except for that one time in college. BT: Me: BT: Me: How 'bout them Red Sox?
@DebHawk12: On a first date when we are sharing a dessert, I like to feed him. Using the airplane technique and noises. Update: I'm Still single.
@KeetPotato: [babies txting] "my dad's thumb just came off" wtf "woah wait its back on again" no way "great he's stole my nose now" im phoning the police