@matttuff: Rest areas are weird. The guy in the stall next to me has four feet.
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@DrDogMD: [During surgery] DR DOG: Suction please. NURSE: But there's no bleeding. DR DOG: I know *drooling* but just look at that liver!
@murrman5: [turns to buddy just before bar fight] "I'll take the guy with the glasses, you take the guy dressed as a ninja"
@tat2skatermom: I have a doorbell chime for text messages. I just checked my door twice. I don’t have a doorbell. Line up boys. This kinda genius is rare.