Me: waiter, what kind of choy is this
Waiter (who is a chicken): bok
@economybacon: Man, my car is so fast, it could outrun a man combined with a horse
"You mean Centaur, right?"
Ohhh somebody went to college ooohh
@KeetPotato: pilot: [via intercom] if you dont shut up back there i will stop this plane
co-pilot: [quieter] wont it fall out the sky
pilot: not now gary
@ReeseButCallMeV: This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she's never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
@simoncholland: A few weeks ago my dad decided he was going to order pizza from his iPad. He's almost finished.
@HellRaisingHell: Finally found a job ad that didn't mention 'attention to detail' or 'team player'. Finally!