@Birdhumms: Restless leg syndrome does not give you the right to swiftly kick people whenever you feel like it. I know that now.. 😆
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@natalayhehoo: If I ever want to hide something from my husband I'd put it in the dishwasher- he'd never look in there
@UNTRESOR: I wish there was some sort of idiom to describe how easily I just took that lollipop from that infant.
@goodhairperson: [murder occurs] ME: how terrible. why can't we love each other [someone slightly inconveniences me] ME: I will execute your entire family
@PeachCoffin: *admires David at the museum* I can't believe a teenage mutant ninja turtle sculpted this