@duplicitron: *returns four pounds of skirt steak to butcher* I'm sorry. This just doesn't fit me like I thought it would.
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@Reverend_Scott: Goldfish 911: What's ur emergency? Goldfish: I forgot Goldfish 911: Forgot what? Goldfish: WHO IS THIS? Goldfish 911: I DON'T KNOW
@gman_kam: When black guys say "ya feel me?", I literally feel them so they know exactly what level of white I'm operating at.
@TheHyyyype: SURGEON: *cutting open patient's torso* NURSE: sir, what are you doing?! this is a knee replacement! SURGEON: there's a Pokémon in there
@moxieblogger: If you ever feel dumb, remember sometimes sloths grab their own arms thinking they are tree branches and fall to the ground.