@KimJungilSpirit: "Retweet! Retweet!" yelled the German Commander as we invaded Normandy
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@Jake_Vig: If he marries someone else, raises a family, and leads a very fulfilling life, maybe he's just not that into you.
@davedittell: *takes load of groceries off of old woman's hands* these are mine now you old prune
@WheelTod: *Shakes wife awake "Honey. I've done it. I've invented a time machine!" Wife:Omg kill Hitler! "What? It's a time machine: it tells time."