@KimJungilSpirit: "Retweet! Retweet!" yelled the German Commander as we invaded Normandy
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@ClichedOut: They say 1 out of every 5 humans is Chinese. Out of me and my 4 siblings, I'm pretty sure it's either Carl or Liu Yang.
@3sunzzz: Waiter: May I take your order? Yes, roll over and play dead! Waiter: It's not that kind of order. Oh. Sorry. I'll have the cheese sticks.
@lucidchemistry: Go to an open house and ask the realtor if they'll stand in the basement with the door closed so you can hear if screams are audible outside
@Reverend_Scott: [1692 Salem] "BURN THE WITCH" U HAVE A CROOKED NOSE, WITCH "No, Frank, at the stake" [quickly lighting torch] Right, I knew that.