@TheTweetOfGod: Retweet this and you'll go to heaven. Yes, the standards are now that low.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@PaperWash: 4 y/o: how does Santa go to everyone's house in one night me: warp speed 4 y/o: warp speed isn't real me: neither is Santa go to sleep
@TheToddWilliams: [principal's office] "Your child's previous school indicates you're a bit of a helicopter parent." Velociraptor: That's got to be a typo.
@Brampersandon_: I was pretty nervous doing stand-up in front of a bunch of nudists but then I imagined the crowd in their underwear and it helped so much.