@TheTweetOfGod: Retweet this and you'll go to heaven. Yes, the standards are now that low.
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@PaulyPeligroso: To spice things up in the bedroom, I have my wife dress up as a pizza boy. Then, I have her put the pizza on the counter and then leave.
@ClichedOut: Exec 1: We gotta improve our company image. E2: Hey, let's call customers at home. E1: At dinner, on Sunday. E2: But be pushy. E1: Perfect.
@jonnysun: humans: wat did we ever do to deserve dogs dogs: wat horible sins were done to our ancestors for us to be subservient to the humabns