@kelkulus: Revenge idea if a girlfriend dumps you: sneak into her house, tighten the lids on all her jars.
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@JJSummertime: If I had 3 wishes I'd spend them on my daughter. Happiness, success and her very own little shithead who refuses to replace the TP roll.
@crunchenhancer: I judge the strength of the economy based on what type of candy people hand out on Halloween.
@Freudianscript: People who try to test my patience don't realize it's an exam I don't plan on passing.
@ProdigyNelson: Me: hey girl r u an earthquake Her: aw bc I rock ur world? Me: no bc your unpredictability threatens the entire foundation of my existence