@GuyThe_Guy: Revenge is a dish best served with revengetables.
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@PORNOPINION: Tried to console my ex after losing her bf and all I could muster was, "there's plenty more married men out there."
@seanmoriartyMV: My boss: "Sean, what do you know about Twitter?" Me: "nothing. Why? What have you heard?"
@envydatropic: You know the jack in a box that scared the life out of you when you were a child? That's me as an adult cooking with my smoke detector