@GuyThe_Guy: Revenge is a dish best served with revengetables.
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@simoncholland: Listen, if you are going to someone's house for Thanksgiving, compliment their baseboards. That is what they are spending today cleaning.
@LePetitOiseau_L: It's like my cat doesn't even appreciate it when I take the time to rake his litter box like a Zen Garden.
@Breadery: At my funeral I want the picture of me next to the coffin to have eyeholes cut out with someone behind it glaring at people coming in.
@iLikeCatShirts: *throws a rock at a bird* Me [writing in "science" journal]: birds don't like rocks.