Review of Black Holes: Zero Stars
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Groundhog Day
1993 ‧ Comedy/Romance ‧ 1h 41mGroundhog Year
2020/21 ‧ Horror ‧ 10,272days
can you start monday at 8?
“yes, thank you for the opportunity”
[calls new boss at his home on sunday night]
hello?
“am or pm?”
Shit, I missed Jesus’s birthday, didn’t I?
I love getting socks for Christmas idk what you people are complaining about
It’s not politically correct to say Retarded, we say Politician now.
I saw my close personal friend Jim smelling chairs at the movie theater this morning and when he saw me watching he just said “no one will believe you”
I drink because it’s difficult to eat alcohol.
My boyfriend finally proposed to me, well he proposed that I stop saying he’s my boyfriend and that I get off his lawn and just leave him alone.
When you want your ball, but you don’t want to get wet
🎾💧💦
People say “loose lips sink ships”. But history would confirm it’s definitely icebergs
Maid of Honor speeches shouldn’t end with, “I’ll see you all at her next one.” I know that now.
[drive-thru at 2am]
Whaazzuupp!? Lemme gets 12 tacos, 6 burritos, and a Diet Coke. Booyah!
Neighbor’s mailbox: …
I wish my refrigerator would quit opening my bedroom door, staring at me, sighing and walking away.
My girlfriend didn’t hear what I said while I was sitting beside her on the couch so to make sure she heard me I went in the other room and muttered under my breath
Me: When do we get to solve mysteries and explore haunted houses?
Gang member: *cocks gun*
Me: Ohhhh, this is a murder gang.
Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?
as a millennial dad I’ve never not been Too Online so I know the best combination of buzzwords to maximize being annoying to my tween; she got a meatball sub for lunch and I said “oh she in her marinara era for real” and the eye roll could have powered our house for a year
I’m one salad away from identifying as a rabbit
I hope my neighbors follow me on Twitter cause their car’s lights are on.
To tell the difference between African and Indian elephants you have to look at their ears.
You lift one up and shout “Where are you from?”
Day 8 at home and my dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture.”
ESPN just did a Top 5 Greatest Comebacks of All Time and there was some guy running with a ball but like literally no mention of Jesus
so yesterday i gave my number to a cute guy in the dining hall… LMFAOOO
These cats just swagged into the room like they had some serious yolo’ing to do.
If people post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
If my grandfather were alive today he’d be trapped in a box underground. Horrible to think about really.
I WON’T STAND FOR THIS IDIOCY!
*sits*
Ok, proceed.
I like how commercials for gum seem to be predicting a cold, dystopian future where our survival depends on the freshness of our breath.
Creeper: ‘I know what you did last summer.’
Me: ‘And you think you can make it suck even more?’