@LimeyTheGreat: My youngest son can now reach the light switches, so don't come over to my house, unless you're really into raves or want to have a seizure.

@tastefactory: JOB INTERVIEWER: So what are your biggest weaknesses? HE-MAN: Well, I- *job interviewer's fake mustache falls off and it's Skeletor*

@UncleDuke1969: "I think I have Ebola." "JUST DO YOUR DAMN HOMEWORK!"

@theshantilly: Whatever, low battery indicator. You're not the boss of

@dwaghalter: Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns. It's a play on words.