@beckyiniowa: If the head of CIA can't even hide his own affair it's pretty safe to say there were no aliens at Roswell and we really went to the moon.
@dianaaadee: netflix has the worst movie selection no wonder everyone just starts having sex
@MartaEffing: I laid my tired head down on my pillow & saw the most terrifying thing I could possibly imagine:
My phone.
On my dresser.
Across the room.
@DiamondLou69: Hot chick at the bar just said that she's gonna do something stupid tonight...
...I informed her that I only had a 1.75 GPA in high school.
@iwearaonesie: [hotel]
wife: I'm gonna go change. Find us a movie, ok? *winks*
me: Ok!
*wife comes out in lingerie*
wife: What'd you pick?
me: Space Jam
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