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@Sean_Burgundy_: *Rides off into sunset
*Forgets phone charger
@Ilovelamp1979: Every idiot in Florida just turned on their electric heater & they crashed the grid. Now I'm forced to watch my neighbor sleep in the dark.
@TheLastPeg: Your 'Chemistry' with your girlfriend is great if you remember her 'Periodic Table'.
@KalvinMacleod: ME: where's your brother?
OLDEST CHILD: where's another roll of duct tape?
ME: *sprints to the basement*
@Aspersioncast: I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
@GirrlGenius: If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.