@parkersJoking: Right now the parents of the kid who climbed Trump Tower are thinking "Damn I knew we shouldn't have given him that REI gift card"
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@stephenjmolloy: [Job interview] "You list communication as a strength" Yes "Care to elaborate?" No
@TheBeerGuy73: Pro tip: Wives do not find it hilarious when you add a bunch of extra candles to their surprise birthday cake. I know this now.
@themiltron: interviewer: why do you want this job me: i've just always been very passionate about not starving to death