@rickygervais: RIP Ronaldo's Moth. The world's most famous footballing insect has died after a long and illustrious career. He was 6 weeks old.
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@dafloydsta: [at a bar] *sees hot chick check me out* *writes note on napkin and asks bartender to give to her* *she reads note* "STOP STARING IT'S RUDE"
@abbycohenwl: -Houston, do you copy? -Houston, do you copy? -God damn it, Houston! -God damn it, Houston!
@Jennifergr8: Someone just asked my son what other type of fish do you like then? He replied....chicken. Thank god he is good looking.