@Sassafrantz: *rises out of neighbor's hot tub* I'd like to talk to you guys about home alarm systems...
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@tchrquotes: Having kids is a little like when the free sample lady tries to tell you all about the cheese & you pretend to be interested while you eat.
@BoyfriendWhat: Him: "Can we have a Doritos themed wedding?" Me: "no." Him: "well, what kind of chips would you prefer?"
@shatterpants: I am realistically only 1 crossbow away from accidentally killing someone with a crossbow.
@JediGigi: Friend: I need your advice. Me: Wear less eyeshadow. Friend: I meant about my love life. Me: Friend: Me: Friend: Me: Wear less eyeshadow.