@dxblarssonENG: Riverdance was invented by an Irish family with 7kids but only one toilet.
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@trojansauce: [meeting zac efron at a book signing six years after my wife said she thought he was handsome] well hello there mister home wrecker
@Blondrbomber: When I see crying children and miserable parents- I run to the bathroom, crush up my birth control, and snort it.
@Prof_Hinkley: [commercial for tupperware] Are you done with that food, but would rather throw it away in 3 weeks rather than right now? - Tupperware
@FlyoverJoel: If people winked in real life as much as they do on the Internet, the world would be about 542.67% creepier.