@SondraDeeMe: Roasted beef is like regular beef except the cows family tells embarrassing stories about it, which are tough and tasteless.
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@skittle624: State Farm Like a good neighbor, stay on your side of the yard, pretend I'm not there, and let's have as little interaction as possible.
@SteveSuckington: "Here kid. I hope you like not getting laid until college because your bedroom is a giant dinosaur now." -extreme home makeover
@Mr_Kapowski: [first date] *don't let her know you're a huge Lionel Richie fan or that you're Waldo* Her: Hi! "Hello, is it me you're looking for?"