@SortaBad: Rob Zombie is a good musician but also a great way to make money when the undead rise from their graves
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@Sickayduh: "911, what's your emerg-" "The women at work have synced their uteri and it's Hell" "Sir uteri is not plural for ute-" "TAMPI EVERYWHERE"
@carlyken: [airport security] *BEEP* Ma'am, step through again *BEEP* Nice try pal, I'm not removing my Slayer shirt Ma'am, please it's too much metal
@FatherWithTwins: I like to torture my kids by buying them a new Xbox game, and then taking them to the zoo all day.