@bourgeoisalien: [robber breaks into my house] i always knew you'd come for me, my darling. where are you going
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@AntoKenya: My girlfriend once told me she was pregnant. I was so excited that I ran to another country and have never seen her from then.
@ericsshadow: How to cure a headache 1. Drink a glass of water. 2. Take 10 deep breathes. 3. Give headache your credit card & tell her to go to the mall.
@munkayc: Bought cheap helium gas. Now boyfriend's annoying snoring doesn't make me want to kill him, but my fear of clowns has tripled..
@notacroc: [1st date] Her: we should keep religion out of this *religion gets up & leaves the table* Me: see what u did? *I get up and chase after it*