@ComedicBust: Robbing me is only a good idea if you're running low on ketchup packets.
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@vapidaccount: Thanks autocorrect...clearly "I am fantasy" is a better answer than "fantastic" when asked how I'm doing...
@HatfieldAnne: My strong stance on drinking milk straight from the carton has met with no opposition from people who haven’t caught me yet.
@Vodkantots: My tampon just leaked during my bath and now it looks like I made a tub full of passion fruit tea.
@seamussaid: FIRST GUY TO RECEIVE A LETTER IN AN ENVELOPE: oh I get it she wrapped up a piece of paper in.... another piece of paper