@ComedicBust: Robbing me is only a good idea if you're running low on ketchup packets.
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@simoncholland: I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
@KKAlThani: The girl at the table next to me is having a salad. Not as a starter, but as a main course like some kind of rabbit.
@timdonakowski: Starting a new job today. I’m not sure what company, but it’s wherever this lady with the giant box of donuts is going.