@fro_vo: ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery
@TheAlexNevil: Boss: My door is always open
Me: I know and it makes it really hard for me to leave work early
@iamburtjarvis: me: wanna hang out?
southern girl: well, dip me in honey butter, roll me around in mississippi sand and saddle a junebug to savannah
@mjkspeaks: [girlfriend finally texts back]
ME: i’m so mad at you.
HER: i’m naked come over.
ME: i’m not really mad i was jk lol omw babe
@CornOnTheGoblin: [sees co-worker the next day after failing to kill him on purge night] mondays am i right?
@3Snowbee3: I keep my fitbit in the original box same as I do my special edition Malibu Barbie.