@iLikeCatShirts: Robocop seems pretty cocky for a guy that can't swim.
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@joeljeffrey: I hate when you get hit by a car while walking down the street and texting and no one is in the car and it's parked on the side of the road.
@CrackedIllusion: Haven't refilled my prescriptions in a while. Which has been instrumental creating the mass grave beneath this wood shed.
@BRENTHOR: Interviewer: what would you say is your biggest weakness? Me: *high pitched mocking voice* what would you say is your biggest weakness?
@Marlebean: The ONE time I actually want to say "duck", damn you autocorrect! "Sorry again! I'd love to join the preschool field trip to the DUCK pond"