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@ClamDive: Rock, paper, scissors?
-The proctologist removing items from me
@ArfMeasures: BOSS: Why aren't these documents attached together?
ME: Sorry I couldn't find my...[suddenly forgets the word stapler]...desk crocodile
@Sir_Strange: *sends you a pic of a kitten*
*you reply, "Awe"*
*responds, "We've been over this already, it's "Aww"*
*deletes your number*
@Phook75: I just folded a fitted sheet so beautifully an owl just delivered a Hogwarts acceptance letter to my house
@justinshanes: I was probably the first choice of the person who texted me, "Wanna go to a concert in 40 minutes?!"
@realHamOnWry: I still remember when airlines gave you two choices; smoking, and chain smoking.