@MichaelTrying: Roe v Wade is my favorite bitter controversy about the best way to cross a small river.
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@AtticusFinch79: I don't mean to brag but my stalker has OCD so he trims my bushes while he's hiding in them waiting for me to get home.
@iRowlf: I'd like to return this pack of gum. They taste awful. "Sir, those are Band-Aids." Oh, I'd like to return these Band-Aids. Someone ate some.
@JohnLyonTweets: Magician: I need a volunteer. [man stands] Not you. [woman stands] Not you. GARY GET UP HERE! [Gary goes up] We've never met before, right?