@007Rex_Inc: Role playing didnt go so well last night. She was the hot sexy teacher and I the rebel student..so I ditched class. Cause schools for nerds.
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@ruinedpicnic: [checks window] [locks door] [starts to tweet] shrek was a d- [FBI agents burst into the room and leap on me] shrEK WAS A DOC UMENTArY
@KattsDogma: U once broke ur toe? I once broke my foot. U had a baby? I had 2 babies. U have a bad back? I have a bad front. I can do this all day, btw.
@Ohgoddessitsme: I just accidentally opened the door for a jehovah's Witness and he took one look at me and just walked away.
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I love a man who likes to get a little crazy. ME: *trying to impress* I'm a psychopath.