@Brianhopecomedy: Role playing in the bedroom was fun until my wife gave me a speeding ticket.
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@david8hughes: [shipwreck diary] Day 3: dude next to me can hold his breath for 3 days. Going on 4. Very impressive.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Don't forget to take a screen shot of the weather forecast today and post it on Instagram.
@nigelgodwin: My kids are always accusing me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because I don't really like any of them
@WheelTod: [Hospital] Me:How's my dad? Dr:I'm afraid he's in critical condition *shout from inside room "You've never lived to up to your potential!"