@Brianhopecomedy: Role playing in the bedroom was fun until my wife gave me a speeding ticket.
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@david8hughes: [taking baby's shoes off] Oh what a surprise. Clean soles. It's almost as if you were carried everywhere.
@stockejock: I'm ready to be a father now that I've successfully fed a goldfish for a week-he's so happy, he's relaxing & floating on his back...wait...
@BitchyJasmine: Listened to some Beethoven last night. And some Lady Gaga today. Now I'm quite confused. Who's the deaf one again?
@djdarrellripley: My online therapist says you can't live your life in fear....He also sells shampoo.