@Brianhopecomedy: Role playing in the bedroom was fun until my wife gave me a speeding ticket.
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@Reverend_Scott: Mistakes married women make: 1. Assuming he heard you. 2. Assuming he understood you. 3. Assuming he'll remember. 4. Marrying a man.
@BCMontgo: [commercial for pants] *naked guy attempts to put phone in pocket, falls on floor, cracks screen* There has to be a better way!
@looktothepickle: If you love something set it free. *releases 4 year old son into downtown New York City*