@Just_Lee_: Romantic subtweets are like watching a couple kissing in a restaurant. We're all very happy for you but it still makes us want to vomit.
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@onion_an: Me: I was so happy before I lost my forearms in that shark attack Therapist: How do you feel now? Me: With my elbows
@Brentweets: I let an AT&T Customer Service Representative call me Brenda for a half hour because I was too embarrassed to correct him
@AnitaHelmet: You can tell a lot about a person by their avi. For instance if they use an egg, they're probably a chicken.
@Karissajem: So, this woman stopped to ask me if my hair color was "supposed to look natural." My hair is purple, guys. Purple.