@IamEnidColeslaw: Romeo and Juliet is a story about two teenagers who save themselves a lot of trouble by avoiding marriage
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@carlyken: So far my toddler's most impressive defense mechanism is pooping his pants every time anyone rings our doorbell.
@suntzufuntzu: Me: [Advancing my knight] How much to build a hotel on this square? Grim Reaper: First, as I explained, that's not how the horse moves.
@T_N_Crumpets: [phone call] Prank caller: Hi, I'd like to speak to Agood Boi Receptionist: who's Agood Boi? Prank caller: lol *tail goes nuts*
@SoVeryBritish: Leaving restaurant: "That was lovely" Outside: "Well, it was okay" In car: "I mean, it wasn't great" Back home: "We won't go there again"