@IamEnidColeslaw: Romeo and Juliet is a story about two teenagers who save themselves a lot of trouble by avoiding marriage
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@tastefactory: My computer keeps giving me an error message saying "The Printer Can't Be Found." Uh buddy it's RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, HELLO
@adult_mom: [me as an uber driver] yeah I have a degree but this way I can also make crying in my car profitable
@Schmoodles: My new boyfriend says the cutest things, like "Who are you?" and "Why are you hiding outside my house?" and "My wife is calling the police."