@BorowitzReport: Romney: "I have nothing but respect for women. I'm good friends with the owners of some."
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@TheCatWhisprer: They say you should eat 6 small meals a day to lose weight so being an overachiever I have been eating 26 a day.
@TheTweetOfGod: The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things.
@TheToddWilliams: Superman could have become a doctor, using his x-ray vision to detect life threatening tumors. But no, we really needed another journalist.
@minnie_in_pink7: The most realistic thing about Stranger Things is how much time kids in the 80s spent without parental supervision.