@CarpentersCrack: Ron on Facebook says he hopes to be stuck on a dessert island, so naturally I commented "that sounds delicious".
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@Matt_The_1st: I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
@LackOfShame: The funniest thing about being sober is someday finding out that you were the mayor of Toronto.
@PaperWash: [grocery store] dad to his crying baby: shhh stop crying [baby keeps crying] me: wow, your baby does not listen
@isaaaa: Things I constantly worry about pressing: 1. "Like" while ex stalking 2. Send all drafts 3. A baby's soft spot Yes, this list is in order.