@animaldrumss: [ronald mcdonald in fake mustache sidles up to group of teens] mcdonalds sucks right guys? Let's discuss ways they could improve their image
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@Vodkantots: How to deal with anger and resentment toward someone: 1. Write down feelings and put message in a bottle 2. Break bottle over person's head
@geowizzacist: 3 (calls out): daddy I'm cleaning the floor with a mob. Me: you mean a mop? (enters to see 100 people licking the floor) no ok that's a mob
@houffy: I don't think the church is going to let me pick music for the bible group again. In my defense, the band name "Lamb of God" is misleading.
@msgwenl: The thing about eating broken cookies is there's no way to know how many you had. "You ate the whole ba-" THERE'S NO WAY TO KNOW.