@animaldrumss: [ronald mcdonald in fake mustache sidles up to group of teens] mcdonalds sucks right guys? Let's discuss ways they could improve their image
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@LoveNLunchmeat: People mock Snapchat, but I spent the first 36 yrs of my life wondering how my friends would look as rainbow alien puppies AND NOW I KNOW.
@Biraahwa: Her: *smiles* You fill those out very nicely. Me: (looks at jeans)Thanks. Bank Teller: Sir, could you please pass back the forms? Me: Ohh!
@SaltyCorpse: You're not a real parent until you've secretly wished your child's sports team does bad in a tournament so you can go home early.
@MelKassel: LEONARDO DA VINCI: *on street corner* eeey girl! gimme a smile, girl! nah, not that big. make it cryptic, girl, like 'what is she thinking'