@curiousteej: Roommate and I got our first electric bill and long story short we're now Amish
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@DaddyBeerGuy: Hey dude, there's 10 empty urinals in here no need to stand right next to... And now he's talking to me! Someone call 911!
@KeetPotato: [rookie undercover] *walks up to dealer* "yo you a cop" um no "hmm ok what you want" EIGHT COCAINES PLEASE *gives thumbs up to chief in car*
@Playing_Dad: *consoling friend who is a baker* I'm really sorry about the fire at your bread shop. Looks like your business is toast now.
@BuckyIsotope: *hires sky writer to propose to psychic girlfriend* WILL YOU MARRY ME *2nd planes flies by 5 seconds later* HELL NO