@Manda_like_wine: Rose petals? Next time scatter something I can eat.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Ladies, don't be sad if your thighs begin to start touching You're becoming a mermaid!
@CarolinaSong: I'll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I'm trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
@BradBroaddus: Got in a fight with the wife so I didn't let her sleep on the couch with me last night.
@hammbone84: [On phone with Pizza Hut] Me: I texted my order 4 hrs ago! PH: Are you sure you didn't tweet it...again? Me: PH: Sir? Me: K. Love you. Bye.