@MorganJ7: Roses are brown,
Violets are brown,
Daisies are brown,
I'm a terrible gardener.
@tehaveragejoel: "every family has that one huge weirdo"
"NOT MY FAMILY!" I shout as I quickly exit the room, my six ducks on leashes in hot pursuit.
@ShutUpThatsWho: Freddie Mercury: I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
Chorus of Dads: HI JUST A POOR BOY, I'M DAD! SPARE HIM HIS LIFE FROM THIS MONSTROSITY
@BruceForce: Me: Sometimes I wish I wasn't shy and introverted
Alcohol: I'VE GOT GREAT NEWS!
@Book_Krazy: The lazy river is my favorite ride at this amusement park. "Ahhhhh!" I scream as I float in a giant circle, not spilling my drink at all
@deskslave1: When I see crate of kittens in a pet store I think "oh a crazy cat lady starter kit!"