@BEEAAARR: Roses are red, I have a phone. No one texts me, forever alone.
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@turtledumplin: Why would anyone come on Twitter JUST to argue? Don't you have an ex, or a spouse, or a family member that you can argue with?
@amydillon: Back-to-school tip for parents: while not explicitly forbidden, it is frowned upon to spray champagne on the hood of a departing school bus.
@Skullcat: My autopsy is going to be surprising as hell because I am 100% filled with mashed potatoes
@PaperWash: angel: they seem to be doing well God: give them more diseases angel: is that really necess- God: and social anxiety and kill a gorilla