@ItsFunnyLife: Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You'll know what I mean.
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@ghostkrogh: [pearly gates] st peter: welcome everybody- *i run up and slam dunk an imaginary ball thru his halo and then hang on it like it's the rim*
@DanMentos: [first date] "so what do you do?" *thinking about the jar of coins I plan to use for new shrubs* I'm a hedge fund manager
@ThisOneSayz: Woman to friend at store: We can get shrimp for people who don't eat meat! Me: don't forget the cheese for the lactose intolerant people!