@SimplyNamedTron: Roses are red, my real name is Dave. This poem makes no sense, microwave.
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@IamEveryDayPpl: My daughter, a hair stylist, has a tiny pair of scissors tattooed behind her ear with tiny red teardrops for clients she accidently stabbed.
@onion_an: [at restaurant] Me: "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" Wife: "I'm the same" Horse family at next table: *just sitting very still*
@truegritrumble: ME: If I go to bed now, I'll be rested for the big meeting tomorrow. INSOMNIA: The world is just waiting for you to start a blog.