@PaulyPeligroso: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Hide all that weed because police lights are too.
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@Thedudish: My boss asked if I had any special skills so I put my hand under my armpit to make fart sounds. We laughed and now I'm clearing out my desk
@internetluke: [at wine tasting] Hmm yes, very good. a slight smokey undertone. "Sir, you just put your cigarette in your wine" Strong smokey undertone
@ElgatoEsmio: If we sneezed Windex instead of spit I bet my neighbors would be cool with me standing at their window.
@slimmy_shady: I hate when I give people nicknames like "stupid face" on my phone and I cant remember who the stupid face is.