@PaulyPeligroso: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Hide all that weed because police lights are too.
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@KyleMcDowell86: I told my waiter the same thing i told my plastic surgeon. Give me chicken breasts.
@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: I missed chicken nugget day at daycare. Me: So? 5-year-old: My life is falling apart.
@E_lok44: He asked why I put my stick figures on my dash, not the bumper. I had to explain that it was an actual photo of my relatives.