@M3lissaMcDonald: Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
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@iGreenMonk: *Neighbor text - Sorry for using your wife. Use only when you're not at home* *Shoots Wife* *Neighbor text again - I mean 'Wifi' not wife*
@Kennycruzin: When one squirrel says "I like to eat nuts", there is probably always another squirrel who says "that's what she said."
@NicestHippo: If you think you're bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
@dubiousgenius: Scientists say Spider-Man would not be able to climb vertical surfaces due to his size. It's almost like someone made the whole thing up.