@M3lissaMcDonald: Roses are red, violets are blue, vodka costs less than a dinner for two.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Apparently a guy named George Martin leaked all the main plot points of the next season of Game of Thrones in some books he published. Jerk.
@WilliamAder: Drove a wedge of suspicion today between the fast food employee at the first window and the one at the second.
@o__0Dev: As a kid, I had to be careful not to curse around adults. Now as an adult, I have to be careful not to curse around kids.
@i_eat_fruit: COP: do you know why I pulled you over ME: knock knock COP: who’s there ME: do you know why I pulled you over COP: *begins to sweat* n..no