@maellabelle: Roses are red. Wine is red. Poems are hard. Wine.
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@wesjohnson8: 62% of swimmers say they pee in the ocean....... now you know why SpongeBob is yellow.
@EndhooS: [1st day undercover] Me: [to gang of street punks] what up dongs? Voice through earpiece: OMG its DAWGS u idiot Me: is ur gang hiring today?
@JermHimselfish: I just tripped and stumbled into a group of asian kids on the street and accidentally won a breakdancing competition.
@thatUPSdude: Can't figure out if my dad is defusing a bomb or trying to answer his cell phone. It's tense! "The green one dad, not the Red one!"