@causticbob: Roses are red,
violets are blue,
this poem is overused,
just like your mum.
@aveuaskew: "Why are the balloon bouquets more expensive than packaged balloons? It's just air!"
"I hate you"
@StarWarsProblms: Vader: I am your father!
Random kid: Really?
Vader: You've got like 30 siblings. I'm kind of a man whore.
@ShrinkMedia: If I throw my son a baseball, he drops it. A football, he fumbles. But if I toss him a cell phone, my man has a sick one handed, no look.
@HeatherLuvsYou: A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.
@weinerdog4life: As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald's Playland ball pit