@causticbob: Roses are red,
violets are blue,
this poem is overused,
just like your mum.
@amishschool: Before Twitter I had to disappoint people in person.
@rcromwell4: Follow me on Pinterest for seasonal craft ideas and spells for summoning ancient demons.
@chuchugoogoo: the most dangerous dog breed is probably the Crime Lab
@KeetPotato: wife: "im sorry, he has to try everything before he buys it"
store owner: "it's okay"
me: [lying in a coffin] "the first one was better"
@LnL245: "Huge hole found growing on surface of Sun"
*drops string cheese*
"This hole is no cause for alarm"
*picks up string cheese*