@LuckyPetDeals: RT if you know someone like this!!!
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@TheAlexP: [at bank] Samuel L Jackson turning in swear jar: I need a bank check to buy Rhode Island
@evanrhorne: "Chocolate is so yummy it'd probably taste good on mothballs." - inventor of Whopper Candies.
@thepunningman: [doctors] "How long have I got?" "Not long. Two, three months" [casually places apple on desk] "Ok, ok, six. Just get that out of here!"
@LoveNLunchmeat: Be vague. Be very vague. Be so vague that eventually you're not even sure what you just said.