@Ilovelamp1979: RT if you love puppies, rainbows or beating the shit out of strangers for not saying "Thank You", after you've held the door for them.
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@markedly: GOD: Mark, I have chosen you. You will know answers to all of life's mysteries, just listen to the voicemail I left you. ME: voicemail? ugh
@Flykins: COP: "Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" ME: "It was way easier than solving a murder?"
@imteddybless: haha how about we make a pact if we're both single in 6 seconds we get married?? haha look how nervous u are. times runnin out tho