@Ilovelamp1979: RT if you love puppies, rainbows or beating the shit out of strangers for not saying "Thank You", after you've held the door for them.
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@desijourno: When in doubt, ignore an unknown number on your mobile, never hit Reply All, and always wear clothes when you step out of your house.
@platinum2000: "If you're pregnant you can't get pregnant, the same goes for getting arrested, can you lick this?" I ask, trying to roll a joint in cuffs.
@TheTweetOfGod: "Scientology" is a combination of "scient-," meaning "science," and "-ology," meaning "science." And it just gets stupider from there.
@AbbyHasIssues: I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.