@_thatigirl: Rude lady to me, "Well I'm sorry but you don't LOOK sick to me." Me, "Looks can be deceiving. For example, you don't look stupid."
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@ArfMeasures: ME: Jesus Christ, this is the slowest train I've ever travelled on BRIDE: Someone please get this prick off my dress
@PaperWash: What's that, turkey? GOBBLE GOBBLE Timmy fell in a well? GOBBLE GOBBLE [breaks turkey's neck] no time for your riddles, in the oven you go
@Try2StopME: Please take the smartphone away from your pets, they are spamming your Facebook with selfies.
@fanofhell: [sees people filming a movie] yeah real original. a movie. like that's never been done before