@BadJordon: Ruin a hipster's day by telling them how commercial you think their favorite band has become.
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@iamrandomape: [job interview] BOSS: biggest weakness? ME: I never know when to quit BOSS: that's ok, ur hired ME: I quit
@ValeeGrrl: Me: [in bathroom] 7yo: [knocks] MOMMY? Me: Yeah pal 7: IT'S ME Me: I know 7: YOUR SON Me: Knew that too
@CornOnTheGoblin: [leaving a birthday party with my piñata friend] i swear i didn't know they were going to do that "Just take me home"