@BadJordon: Ruin a hipster's day by telling them how commercial you think their favorite band has become.
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@KingRainhead: i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it
@mstern68: If you were my gf, I'd have a warm bath and a meal ready for when you got home every day Her: I'm your wife Like I said, if you were my gf
@ProfaneDane: An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
@ItsAndyRyan: "How would you describe the woman who attacked you?" *Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*