@rachelle_mandik: *ruins your party with a can of Serious String*
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@AndyRichter: Back in my day when we found a Pokémon we had to beat it to death with a rotary phone
@Jessdaisy: Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
@ShutUpThatsWho: [God creating cheesecake] GOD: [stuffing his face] oh man this is so good ANGEL: shouldn't u share it? GOD: [creates lactose intolerance]
@T_Bonezzz_: Approx 4,500yrs ago men would wake up everyday to build the great pyramid. I got up this morning with anxiety about unloading the dishwasher