@secondofhername: Rule: If thou has a Macbook, thou shall always taketh photos of objects with the Macbook in the background.
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@truegritrumble: (First Day as Mailman) ME: *wearing a suit made out of stapled together pieces of mail* Sup? BOSS: You're supposed to deliver those. ME: No.
@JermHimselfish: My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood
@jonnysun: "it says on ur resume that ur good at saying unexpected things?" yes i am. … "but i thougt u were gona say something unexp-- oh wow ur good"