@crunchenhanced: Running your mouth is not cardio.
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@doguacate: when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won't eat a dog
@DiscoFruit: [3rd grade] bae: come over me: no bae: my parents aren't home. me: but we're only 7, that's awful parenting. bae: but- me: AWFUL. PARENTING.
@Mr_Kapowski: Advertised as a "Cougar Cruise" Reality - Weight loss cruise where live cougars are released & you spend your vacation fleeing large cats
@djdarrellripley: Me: Go to school! 9yr Old: It's Sunday. Me: Go to church! 9yr Old: I'm Jewish. Me: Convert!